It's complicated to come up with the right words to say about someone who has meant so much to you in your entire life, especially at a time like this when you just want to hide from the fact that this person has abruptly been pulled from your life. This past week I've just wanted to regress back to being a little girl when things were easier, when I could just cry for my grandmother and she would be there, a nice warm lap and a hand full of cookies to always make me feel better. It was the first time in my life when I felt like the world was crashing down on me and I didn't have the option of running to her arms. It's hard not to concentrate on how hard it is going to be to get used to her not being around, but in this I will make it a point to celebrate the person that me, along with three other members of this family, so lovingly referred to as "Grandma". No one could make me laugh like her. She had this incredible way of taking any situation and finding the humor in it. At dinner, you'd look over at her and her cheeks would be bright red and she'd have her head on the table, laughing uncontrollably. This occurance would happen even more after a couple glasses of wine, which is all she wanted to drink (when offered water at restaurants, she would exclaim, "Water! That's what you wash your feet in!") And truthfully, what made me laugh most about her, was her overwhelming crudeness. She enjoyed a dirty joke as much as the rest of us and has muttered lines to each of my friends which will live down in history, claiming herself as "Italian by injection" and talking about getting together with the young dark-haired boys at the Italian restaurants. Her and I made this silly little team, looking at each other in the eye in those little moments, giggling to ourselves. I will treasure those tiny moments and quotations forever. There are just times that will always live on in my heart. These little things about her, these perfect moments, the things about her that basically shaped my life. I have this little image of her last year, all dressed up in bright red, in a feather boa and and beret on her head, tap shoes on her feet. Her tap dancing was the way she brought light to the room, her approach to getting through the hard times with a smile on her face. There are so many things that come to mind when I think about what made her so perfect - the ice cream stops while growing up, the card game battles between her and I, her storytelling about my family, her silly little phrases, and how much good she saw in people. I can't help but think of how happy it made me that she attached to the love of my life, referring to him as having "smiling eyes". Having her feel like that made me so proud and grateful to see how happy she was for me. She really was one of the most amazing women I have known in my life and I am extremely happy to have had her as a major part of it. Truthfully, I know that I will never get used to her not being around... it's just not possible, because there will forever be an empty place beside me without her. Even though she lived a long life, I wish it could have been longer... long enough for her to see me get married, to see me make something out of my life. I lived to make her proud and I really do know that no matter what, I did. I will miss her with all my heart. I leave you with
lyrics I was listening to on the way home today, which struck a chord inside of
me, that made me think of her. | ||